Moods extend beyond little yellow-faced emojis, and can’t quite fit neatly when ranked 1-10. Sometimes happy, sad, angry, are simply not long enough to fit in what I am feeling. How am I supposed to sum up my emotional state in five letters? How do I explain moods that are 40% happy, 10% nostalgic, 50% sad? These odd mixtures, these inbetweens, these are real human experiences. These are moods we don’t have names for yet.
The feeling of pure human energy. In the middle of a pulsing concert. Everyone around you is jumping, screaming, dancing, you can feel the vibration in the air. The mix of hairspray, sweat, and weed, and the deafening sound of a thousand voices melding into one as the artist comes on stage. Buzzing with excitement, movement, togetherness.
The feeling of needing to get something done. Sitting in a study hall that is completely and utterly silent and everything feels as though it is closing in on you. Walls getting closer, deadline getting closer, heart rate escalating because of caffeine. It feels as though you can barely breathe. Everything insignificant is banging around in your mind and you have lost all ability to focus, causing you to stress even more.
The feeling of joy in friendship. Driving in a packed car with two people sharing a seat belt. Maybe on the way to a party, home from dinner, to a football game. A top 20 song that everyone is sick of comes on, and its those 2 minutes and 3o seconds where everyone is singing at the top of their lungs, screaming out the window, playing air guitar, and car-dancing with each other.
The feeling of defeat. When nobody sees how hard you are trying and disregards what you are doing. When you are really trying to understand where they are coming from but it just hits you that it is from a place of anger or jealousy. You tell yourself you don’t care, it doesn’t matter, but the voice in the back of your head keeps eating away and suggesting that maybe, you are wrong, they are right.
The feeling of daze and disconnection from reality. Waking up out of a nap and the world feels like its on a valencia filter and all you can make out are the dust specks floating about the room. Concept of time is lost and although you know your mind is somewhat awake, your body cannot move.
The feeling of humidity leeching into your skin. Hot summers where you are an ant under a magnifying glass. The only thing you are aware of is the heat, fingers sticky from lemonade, and back sticky from sweat.
The feeling of indescribable bliss. When a wave is coming right at you, about to crest, and you dive under and flip your body up to look at the water passing over you, frothing, foaming, a huge surge of energy just an arms length away.
The feeling of comfort. Of a crisp fall day with oversized sweaters, kisses on cheeks, and holding hands through mittens.
The feeling of faded memories. Making an impromptu cruise through your childhood neighborhood. Slowing down just enough to get a glimpse of the gutters where you splashed in rain puddles, streets where you practiced until sunset juggling soccer balls, where you scraped your knee or found a snail. How the new home owner took out your favorite tree and hung a different wreath on the door, and it’s not yours anymore.
The feeling of being completely spontaneous and reckless. Kissing a boy who’s name you don’t know, driving 100 miles per hour on the road, hopping the fence to skinny dip in the neighbors pool. Knowing it’s something that you totally shouldn’t be doing, but that is what makes you want to do it.
The feeling of being completely comfortable around someone. Sitting at dinner and neither of you eating your food because you are too focused on your conversation. Laughing too loud that people in the restaurant stop to notice and stare. Getting high off of life, slamming salt shakers on the table, and kindly being asked to leave.
The feeling of being completely charged with inspiration. Your mind is working faster than your hands can move. You are creating, making, something so true and beautiful. Words flying off of your fingers or paint spreading effortlessly across the canvas.
The feeling of power and strength. In the middle of a run when you get a burst of energy. Each footfall with powerful intent, fighting the hill hard and winning. Quickening pace, total control over body and mind.
The feeling of nervous excitement. That climbing the first hill on a roller coaster feeling. That moment at the end of the date where the question of a kiss hangs in the air. Before you walk into the room for a test you that you studied your ass off for. On the edge of the high dive, toes curled, board wobbly, realizing just how high you are.