I don’t think I have ever done a post on sex or anything remotely sexual, not because I am against it but because it feels too personal. I am already fairly vulnerable on social media and opening up and talking about sex feels too overwhelming; you are letting in a lot of judgment and other people’s perceptions when you talk about something so intimate and controversial. After having so many conversations with girls who have shared the same experiences I have or worse, I realized I really have to speak up on female power and the concept of consent. When a personal problem is happening over and over to so many girls, it’s not a problem with the individual, it’s a problem with society and the perception of sex and consent.
I have had two sexual experiences where I didn’t consent to participating, one of which I adamantly said over and over, “stop, stop, I don’t want this.” to which he replied “this is long overdue.”
I kept this to myself for a really long time, thinking that it was my own fault that I wasn’t forceful with my words or thinking that I led him on, or that I went over late at night so it was to be expected. These experiences I have had are not uncommon at all. Almost all of my girl friends I have ever spoken too have been in a situation where they felt pressured into sex or sexual acts even though they weren’t comfortable. It almost blows my mind thinking that I don’t know a single girl who hasn’t felt pressured into sex. What type of world are we living in where our women are silently suffering over experiences they regret, or even worse, blame themselves for?
I’m writing this to let you know that if this has happened to you, you aren’t alone AT ALL. It is something that needs to be discussed way more, not only with other women but with our male friends, brothers, sons. I know that I have preached to so many of my guy friends that your girl should be begging you to fuck her, not the other way around.
I want you to know that YOU DON’T OWE ANYBODY ANYTHING. Not if he bought you a drink, not if you have been dating for three months, not if he has done a big favor for you, not even if you have had sex with him/her before. Your body is your decision. Please believe that the power is yours, and not theirs to take.
I want to share this conversation Iz Haley & I had a couple months ago that we happened to record because we thought it might need to be shared someday. If you get anything from it, just know that you aren’t alone in your battles and you have so much life & light ahead of you. You don’t have to dwell in the past, forgiveness is just over the horizon. You are light, love, and everything else you could imagine.
Iz & Haley are sharing their experiences with abusive relationship for the first half of the podcast, and I come in more around the 20 minute mark. If you are wanting to distinguish between our voices, Iz is the first one to speak in the podcast, and Haley first comes in at 1:45.
At the end of the podcast we made a pledge to each other & ourselves…
I pledge to love and respect my body enough to speak up when I am not being respected in a way that makes me feel comfortable.
I encourage you to join in and write that pledge down in your journal, online, or just say it out loud to yourself.
Lots of love