Mornings have warmed up and nights stay balmy later than they have in a while. Hot coffee switched for ice and jackets for sweatshirts. Scarves for haircuts. Dreary cafes to hide away in now appear vibrant with the hope that spring beckons.
You step in side and the room is just falling quiet as crinkled paper and footsteps make their way to the stage.
Welcome to the Messy Poetry Slam.
i still remember the day that i realized i wasn’t sure if we would always be forever. it was the day i began to notice that the roses in your cheeks were starting to wilt. it was the night that i realized your cold fingers were searching for more than another hand to hold. it was the late kitchen floor conversation that you confessed to me that you wanted more than just infamy and loose change to fill your coat pockets. it was the night i realized that we no longer fit together in the way we always had. when i finally admitted the reason to myself, i was saturated in guilt for not knowing it sooner. we had always been on separate paths, being one masterpiece while still maintaining our independence. but at some point, our paths no longer ran next to each other. our backs were turned and we had our eyes locked on different things. i was seeing the world. you were seeing yourself. we equally knew something was laying between our pulsing bodies at night, no matter how tightly i wrapped you in my arms. there had been something there for a while, keeping us just on the edge of how we used to be. but our eyes had allowed themselves to be blind to what separated us. i still saw stars when you smiled. i still felt safe with your hands combing through my hair. i still loved you to a place far beyond words. so when our backs turned to face each other, our blind eyes couldn’t see the change in weather, though we felt it on our skin. you and i were always headed in the same direction, our paths perfectly paralleled. but we were idle. we were wrapped up in our own world of love and soft touches that we had created for ourselves. we needed so desperately to move, in one direction or another. we needed to discover the world. we needed to discover ourselves. it turned out that we needed to take those journeys in different orders. you needed to create yourself before trying to know anything else. and i needed to see the world before trying to find my place in it.
i still see stars when you smile. i still love you to a place far beyond words. maybe somewhere down the road, our paths will line up again as we transition from one place of growth to the next.
that day that our eyes opened to find our backs against each other, you whispered to me before we walked in opposite directions, that you had finally figured out what you wanted this new journey to be. you wanted to grow a garden in your mind and teach yourself how to water it for the rest of your life. starting with the roses in your cheeks.
“I Miss You”
I feel an incredible absence in the place your company would fill inside of me. although it’s been a while, I still sporadically fall into helpless cycles of reminisce on the ways in which you’d once made me feel. your disappearance was, at first, heartbreaking, but eventually appreciated, as it taught me how to grow on my own and not feel the need to lean on others. now, I have gone through that, and still seem to obsess over you. to say ‘I miss you’ would be a deficient description of my feelings.
Unfinished to do lists,
Smell of cold tobacco,
You left your cigarettes on my window,
I can still feel the wine on my lips,
You aren’t here anymore-
I still feel it,
Clean clothes cover my floor while I wait,
What for? I’m not even sure.
The silence doesn’t consume me anymore
the brackets you left open for me to close-
not longer wide open, but, still open.
stop relating to the sappy love songs I made a whole playlist of
I forget your birthday
our ritual, understanding, knowing, communicating
and the lyrics to the song
I can’t even remember the sound of your smile
Happy and content as I’ve never known myself to be
I set myself free and
finally live the life that was meant for me.
She loves rain.
It makes her feel that the sky has feelings…
That he loves something so much he cries
Sometimes all day…sometimes only for a moment…
But she can sense his love.
She embraces it
She listens while he’s crying
She lets her hair down
He loves it when her hair is down
And he cries even more
Because he is an endless blue
Because he wants to be a human more than ever
Because she loves him even when he is cloudy and moody
Because she thinks that he is even more beautiful when he cries…
Because when she listens
He rewards her with rainbows and rosy sunsets
Endless days of love under the sun…
and day-old lovers
flashing in artificial hues.
To see these colors
meant to exist
in more era than one.
But your skin was printed
inside my eyes
in shades of grey
and hand-me-down blue
and I thought
if this is adolescence
I had found it in you.
S E N D U S Y O U R P O E M S
T A G U S I N T H E M