Thoughts & Film from Nice

adventures

A trip to Nice, France at the end of July. Recording moments in time via a camera lens and small, salt-water-battered notebook. These are some transcribed lines and favorite image selections (from rolls and rolls of film).

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Thoughts From Laying on the Beach

I take a pic on my iPhone instead of my film camera for my mom, feels so silly and trivial how many photos you can snap on an iPhone without a thought.

“The loveliness of the day tempted me…” Emma is reading a book she found in Paris called “Erotica III” to us this morning, bare breasted and surrounded by older people taking their first dip of the day….

everything feels lovely.

 

Why do I feel more anxious plopped on a beach?

Isn’t this supposed to be the place people come to relax?

I don’t know, I guess I had the notion that a beautiful place would make all the pain go away

Em and I just had a conversation about how we are all humans afraid of other humans, humans afraid to live fully.

I think about how social anxiety prevents me from telling women I see on the street that I like their outfit or the way they’ve done their hair…

maybe if I actually told them….

Just being nicer to each other in those small ways—the barrier would be broken and we could be real with each other and tell strangers things like,

“hey I think you’re really beautiful and I hope you think so too”.

the waves today are a smooth silky blue…

they remind me of your eyes

unripe cantaloupe, a sexual reference from “Erotica III”

(unclear what they were actually referring to)

Watching children and older people makes me feel calm, older people seem so present, so in tune with what they want and what they are doing…

I can’t even decide what book to read or what I want to eat.

and children.. they aren’t thinking at all, they have no awareness of anxiety yet, no idea that the things they will one day come to fear could just be a social interaction.

I long for the days I didn’t know what the word “anxiety” felt like

No matter what, there will always be a place I’ve never been or would rather be.

Accepting the present will always be the hardest part…

Maybe this is why I have a hard time sitting still on a beach.

28 Comments

  1. Aisling Gogan says

    I miss that childhood innocence and carefree nature. I don’t think I even knew what anxiety was!

  2. This was so real, and so beautiful…made me nostalgic of childhood days spent in Nice. I loved the bit where you talked about that childhood innocence, somehow I deeply resonated with it – every time I meet someone, I imagine their child selves: are they still as happy and carefree as they used to be? Would their child self be proud of what they’ve become, or did they drift away from their dreams?
    Love, G – https://heartpeaches.wordpress.com

  3. Ariana Franco says

    Beautiful, I felt genuinely raw reading this, unfortunately social anxiety can overrule me, and i’m still trying to cope with it.

  4. T. Sage says

    loved this post so much. every aspect of it was exactly what i needed right now

  5. I’ve been struggling a lot with social anxiety lately, and hearing that other people have the similar experiences to me makes me feel less alone in a world where I constantly feel isolated and afraid. Thank you.

  6. The description with the raw unfiltered photos made me feel as though i was right there in that European beach. im from sydney, australia and those pictures just made me long for summer and lazy beach days even more xx

  7. maddie says

    so cool; because it’s like we always think about big thoughts ans subject, but never ‘real’ stuff, just like feelings, which I think are essential to talk about anything else.
    love you

  8. A simple and very thought-provoking reflection. Living in the present is easy when you realize you’re going to die. The sensory experience you are participating in at the moment is delightful when you take relief in realizing you still have blood pumping and flowing through your body. I think of how you watched the ebbing of the waves as they receded and advanced. Each trough and crest are comparable to that of the rising and falling of your own chest as it circulates your blood and participates in the same flow of life. Water is the bearer of life and for this I consider her to be supremely feminine (did you know the ocean even has the same ph balance as the womb) so I find it very fitting to that you contemplate such motherly loving things such as wanting to nurture others self-view and human bonding.

  9. You guys always post the most glorious film photos. What kind of camera do you use(or would you recommend)?

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